Beetroot and Tears

I said goodbye to my sister and her little ones today . We all had a lovely two weeks with them before they returned to the USA .
It was so special to have them here after 2 1/2 years apart .
One and a half of those were spent worrying about when we’d ever see them.
And now we are back to not knowing again .
No matter what anyone thinks or thinks they know about these times – there is no doubt that we are leaving the world we knew behind.
We are in limbo, a purgatory for our ignorant sins now not really knowing how or what it will be anymore .
But I suppose we never really did , we only thought we did . No one knows what will happen next .
We do know we trusted what we shouldn’t have and didn’t trust what we should .
We’ve been living and being inside out and upside down . Always chasing the next shiney thing .
Always running away from ourselves , from our own end . Never enough .
Afraid of being caught out, of being really seen and at the same time desperate for validation .
We’re all flawed in our imagined separation from our Self , all estranged from our original home , all afloat without paddles trying to manage the best way we can .
To keep ourselves in illusory safety and security , some of us dominate and some of us submit .
And we go round and round playing each other’s games of pretend.
Until it all comes to a head , because there’s only so long that we can all keep lying to ourselves , and truth is more powerful than any of our bullshit .
Then everyone starts to piss each other off .
The dominators get more insecure and their greed grows a life of its own .
The submitters now “see” what they haven’t been looking at before because they were too comfortably numb so they decide to fight it .
The dominators can’t be having that so they defend themselves with more dominating and both parties end up battling each other- maybe to the death .
All the while the circle of life continues .
And some withdraw to that and find many more there . They don’t want to fight .
There’s too much to learn , to know .
Too much they’ve missed out on when they were being comfortably numb.
And the hour is late ….
So today I cried for missing my sister and the little ones , for the sorrows of so many , for the world gone and the one I am afraid is coming for my children.
But not in bed with the covers over my head as I might have done many times before.
Instead I spent it in the arms of our Mother Ground and she gave me swedes and beetroot .
And she soothed me with the scent of her soil.
She showered my dark thoughts away with her rains and she breathed her winds into my heavy chest.
And she said ,
“It will be alright darlin , stay right here with me and it will be alright .
I’ve been here before – many times actually .
We both know we are more than this”

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